Cutting wit

16 Sep

“It’s all in the name, dear. People will still come whether you paint it peach, pink, or pomegranate”. He gestured towards the grimy green wall daubed with a blotchy rash of tester pot indecision. “But a good name will hook ’em in. You can’t waste the opportunity. There’s no other profession that manages to pun quite as well as hairdressers.”

“And what’s wrong with calling it Hazel’s?”. She picked absentmindedly at the pitted lino with the toe of her sandal.

“No, you’ve got to do it properly. No point taking a short cut early on and ending up in a tangle. You need to show people you’re not some hair-today gone-tomorrow business. A good name has to be the root of your marketing strategy, people need to know about you’re about keeping a-head of style with a fresh dye-namic, word won’t just spread by hair-say you know, you need to get a good buzz going.”

Hazel scowled witheringly at her husband across the salon.

“And what would you suggest?”

“Oh there’s loads to choose from. You could go for one of the stalwarts – your ‘Hair jinks’ and ‘Dye versity’ and ‘Hairway to heaven’, but they’re getting pretty grey these days. We could do a bit of a Hollywood theme and try ‘Hair’s looking at you kid’ or ‘Last tangle in Paris’ or ‘Follicle attraction’, or maybe ‘Hair force one’?”

“It’s only a small shop, most of those wouldn’t even fit on the sign!”.

“You want something snippier then?”. The glare intensified. “Oh come on, hair me out! I know it’s a knotty problem but I’m sure the right idea will comb. They’re better than your hair-brained plan.” He deftly dodged the incoming hairbrush. “What about ‘A cut above the rest’? ‘A brush with success’, or ‘Comb hither’? ‘Cliptomania’? ‘Bucks Frizz’? ‘High rollers’? ‘Bleachcombers’? No, wait, I’ve got it – ‘Give us a wave’!”

“Oh give it a rest. Did I tell you I’ve decided to take on an assistant? Just for a few months to start with, but I’ll maybe keep them on longer if things work out well. That way I can leave them to do the curling while I concentrate on the cuts and colours. You could at least make yourself useful and print me a sign for the window”.

“How about ‘A snip at half the price’ as your first marketing slogan?” A comb followed the hairbrush, and he ducked, and obediently turned towards the computer. “Hey, since I’m putting up most of the money, if you’re determined to name it after someone, how about me?”

“Get lost! I’m doing all the hard work, why on earth would I want to call my salon after you?”. There was a pause; he waited. Another comb flew over his shoulder. It was accompanied by a giggle. “Nice try. You almost got me there, Bob!”. Another giggle. “You wretched hairetic. You’re a braid man. One of these days I’ll show you my true colours. I’ll beat you from hair to eternity, then cut you loose and leave you to curl up and dye! Consider this a close shave, next time you’d better scissor chance and run!”

He turned back with the freshly printed sign for the window, and passed it to her with an innocent smile. She glanced at it, and dissolved, helpless. ‘Staff wanted: temp to perm‘.

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One Response to “Cutting wit”

  1. ingridf October 2, 2012 at 8:52 pm #

    This made me grin ear to ear. 🙂 It was hairably funny. You’re such a tease.

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